I think it was meant to be...

Performing in this Musical Evening of Excellence has brought back so many memories of practicing and preparing for months in anticipation of the few minutes in the spotlight. The memories of stressing over each note, the timing, the fingering, the dynamics - hoping on those big chords that your fingers don't slip of the keys you intend on pounding. The immeasurable pace of my heartbeat as each performer completes his/her number... counting down until my turn. The clammy cold feeling that overtakes my fingers that wished they were warm and nimble. And then the silence... it's my turn. I stand up - the silence ends. B errupts into a ear-piercing scream as I walk to the stand. (Thank goodness for Grandmas!) Deep breath... visualize... deep breath.... begin. Oh, it was amazing! The first chord is quite forceful. Perhaps I should have had a warning put in the program because I'm afraid I might have given a few of the elderly listeners quite a jolt to their hearts. Jared said there was a wave of whiplash through the audience as heads went rippling back with the pounding of that first chord. That made me giggle :) Of course, my performance was not without a few stumblings of the fingers, but it really turned out as magnificent as I could have hoped. In just 6 minutes it was all over - those 5 months of practicing paid off.

It was fun to hear all of the surprised comments from people in our current ward and our past ward as they said, "I knew you played the piano, but I didn't know you PLAYED!" I owe it all to Janeen Noble and my parents for giving me the opportunity, for pushing me to be better, and believing in me when I didn't believe in myself. Janeen Noble, my piano teacher and one of my best friends, passed away 5 years ago. I live in the ward where her family lives. Her husband and son sing in the ward choir for which I am very grateful. Steve, her husband, approached me after the program and congratulated me on a job well done. He said, "Toccata brings back good memories for me. That was the song Janeen was playing the first time we ever met. Her fingers were flying! I remember going to shake her hand afterwards and she had the strongest grip I have ever known... all from playing the piano. She was amazing!"

It was after this conversation that I started piecing together other parts of my little story. Toccata was given to me by Janeen right before my family moved to Washington state. When we moved to Thatcher we found another teacher (although she was no Janeen). We eventually transferred to yet another teacher. Strange that in the 10 years that have passed I never learned Toccata. Or maybe it isn't strange after all... Perhaps it was meant to be saved for this very occasion. Meant to be learned and performed in the midst of Janeen's family and friends. I'm sure she helped me along the way and I'm sure she was there that night. She was there for all of us - for me as I played the piano, for her daughter as she played the cello in a string quintet, for her husband and son as they sang in the Noble octet. I think it was all meant to be...



{I recorded this today. It's typical of a practice at home - watching the kids out of the corner of my eye making sure they're okay as they roam in and out of the backyard, G coming over to whine across the gate because he wants to play the piano with me, and a fair share of mistakes. But hey, that's life :) }