I'm feeling so frazzled with my boys I just don't know what to do. It seems as though the last week or two has just been constant whining and crying and tantrum throwing. Honestly, I feel as though I'm at my wit's end. I don't know what to do. Each day, each hour, and sometimes each minute is a huge struggle for me to handle the incidences with love and patience - I try, I do, but I think it's a battle within myself that I'm losing ground on. It makes me sad. I don't want to be like this, but I don't know what to do. I try to think about how I should handle the situations of blatant disobedience, repeated intentional hitting/pushing/shoving, complete defiance for parental authority, incessant screaming, etc, etc, etc but nothing is working. We've tried time-outs, reasoning and talking to, spanking, rewards, bribery... still nothing. I know I can't give up but sometimes I really want to in the heat of the moment. Removing myself is sometimes the safest thing to do. I had been thinking we might be ready to have another kid, but right now I'm not sure we'll ever have any more. I can't handle it like this... I think I need some intervention... I feel myself sinking...
Help.
14 comments:
Ohh I'm sorry to hear of your struggles. You try so hard to love your little men and help them in their world. All I can say is pray . And if you need a break I'll be there in 1 1/2 weeks and I'd love to have your boys over for a swim at my parents.
You can do it Karli! :) I love you!
I wish I had some advice for you but, I'm right there with you. Kason has been a little monster lately!! I don't know what the deal is!!!
It is hard! Sometimes we feel like nothing we do even makes a difference. But, it does. I promise. Take those time outs for yourself and then just keep stepping out and forging ahead. I wish I had a miracle answer. But, I don't. Just a couple of days ago, the girls were having a full out cat fight in the front yard. A neighbor even stepped out to intervene, until he saw that I was on my way out. Blah. Why does discipline have to be so hard?
Amen sistah! Seriously though, it is really tough. I don't have any miracle answers either.
A thought just came to mind though, you've probably tried something like it already though. But, if not here is what I was thinking:
Have a little activity planned that you know they will both LOVE. Tell them that they have to be your big helpers for 10 minutes (or start with even shorter amount of time) before you can go do the activity. Their "help" is to be nice to each other and help each other be happy. Or, even help you with a chore. Then as they act up say something like, "I'm so sorry you aren't being nice to each other. That makes mommy sad and tired. I won't be able to do _________ because I am too tired of your fighting to be able to do it." Then start the time again. Maybe even use an egg timer or something to count the time down. If you do this every day you can gradually increase the "help" time. And then HOPEFULLY they will start acting the way you want them to more often, and not just for the reward. :)
HUGS!
I have the a great idea. When we get back from California next week your kids are MINE for a morning. Sometimes that is what you need...a little time to yourself.
Karli, Karli, Karli...
I think we might have the same kids. ha ha ha. Seriously. I think we might have the same kids. Usually when MY kids are like this is it because I am not paying enough attention to them. So when I am just about to have a panic attack and send them both to eternal time out, I go to the park. We go to McDonalds and get a 2 cheeseburger meal and go to the park and have a snack and play.
Usually by the time we get home they are tired out and ready for naps and then I get some quiet time to myself. I also think...they grow up so fast. And I quit worrying about how clean the house is or how big their messes are and get right in the mess with them and play.
I am glad to hear that I am not the only one the gets frazzled.
Just keep being the beautiful, talented mother that you are. You are the BEST!
Love Carli
I just have to say that I think you're a CHAMP for keeping up with two boys and not going crazy sooner. I'm kinda glad to hear that you do get frazzled because I would think you were PERFECT if you didn't. I love you Karli! I've had my days and when Chris gets home I let him know they are HIS kids for the next while and I hide in my room or leave for a little while. Then I can enjoy my time-out without worrying what else they are getting in to. :D
You are doing so good! I have to admit though, it's kind of nice to hear someone else has those times too sometimes, because these last couple of days I have about pulled my hair out trying everything and feeling like nothing is working!! lol :) The wining over everything, etc! lol I think that is why I have been obsessed with blogging this week...for just some "me" time during naps. lol :) You are doing so good!! I know you are the best mommy...I think we all human and get frazzled at different times! :) Keep it up!! :)
Oh Karli, I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. If it's any comfort, all of our kids are crazy sometimes and you are not alone in your feelings. One thing I have learned from my sister Allison who has 6 kids 6 and under is to be consistent no matter what. Kids are super smart and know what their doing at that age and are able to recognize when they get away with stuff. They are going to act out but just stay on top of it and eventually they will recognize who is the boss and what is acceptable. Also, take time for yourself often. Otherwise you will go crazy! :) Good luck and I hope everything will smooth over soon.
Here is a creative blog that is sure to cheer you up:
http://www.vanessachristenson.com/
I don't want to give you any advise because I don't have 2 kids. I am usually the one coming to you with questions. I have always admired how calm you are with your children. During our last get together it really opened my eyes to my own bad parenting. I would catch myself yelling at my poor baby just because I was grouchy or tired...but seeing you with your 2 boys were always in the back of my mind. I strive to be a more calm and patient person like you. I know you just want to pull your hair out sometimes...I think I did that on one occasion...Maybe it is the "EVIL" one testing you. He doesn't want you to have anymore kids so don't let him win. You just keep popping them out;-D I love you and hope everything will get better. If not make a trip to thatcher and let the grandparents take over for a few hours. That is a cure all for everything!
Hey Karli! I'm obviously not commenting with any advice because I am not to that stage of parenting yet but I just wanted to tell you that I have seen you in action with those boys a lot and I think you're a great mom no matter how YOU feel about yourself as a mom just know that I and many others think that you're doing a wonderful job with your boys...and one day they will appreciate you! Love ya!
So I started that comment yesterday but got distracted and didn't actually post it until this morning. Then I saw that Katie had posted almost exactly what I was trying to say, so sorry if it seems redundant. I guess your friends all just look up to you! :D
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